I’m Raising a Necromancer

16 08 2014


So my daughter licked a casket.

Do you want to more?

Imagine if you will that you are at a funeral. It’s at a lovely little funeral home on a busy street in a little town in upstate New York. The employees are friendly despite the town typically thinking too highly of itself. Through a doorway from the main viewing area (which is lined with pearly white chairs) there is a smaller room. The dimensions aren’t important; just know that it is about half the size.

The new room connects to others even though it does so without using a single hallway; just a collection of rooms with neat little cuts that make them all fit together. In this half-sized room (just off the main, remember?) there are two pitchers of water. Each is smartly curved and full of ice and some of the most peculiar tasting water you’ve ever had. Why is that? Maybe it’s just the way the town water tastes. Maybe it’s because the water at funerals never tastes quite right; like it knows something is off and it should feel upset too.

Then again this is upstate New York so maybe a raccoon just had a bath in it twenty minutes ago.

You take a glass of water and head back into the main room thinking about how happy that raccoon had better be when you’re foxy wife approaches you to ask if you had any idea what the girl-spawn had done. You answer “No” of course since you’ve been in the other room thinking about how you’re probably drinking Rocket’s bath water.

So the Vixen quietly informs you that the girl-spawn put her hand on the deceased’s casket (as opposed to the non-deceased since apparently that’s a thing all of a sudden) then licked her hand. Furthermore, because that isn’t strange enough, she make the declaration that “Yes, it does taste like wood.”

The above story is true.

One thing you can always rely on a child for is the opportunity to look at something in a way you never thought you would. How does this child, who is still a month from entering kindergarten, manage to take a person’s death and turn it into something to smile about?

I’ve mentioned before how interesting I find death to be and that I love exploring it more through writing and as it turns out my kids might be coming along for the ride too.





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