I’m Searching For…

24 05 2014

 

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I’ve been browsing the blog’s site stats recently and I have one thing to say.

Who are you people?

One of my favorite parts of the stats recorded by WordPress is the search engine terms used to arrive at the blog. Now some of these are pretty straight forward. For instance, I can see how my name would get you here. I start wondering why my name is being searched for on the internet from time to time but really, I suppose there are plenty of logical explanations for that which don’t include kidnapping, armed robbery, or any of a variety of stalking activities.

There are search terms that immediately conjure a specific post in my mind, those are okay. But then there are others that just don’t make sense and others still that are so bizarre (or profane) I’m left speechless.

I present a snap shot of some of the minds that google’d, yahoo’d, lycos’d or whatever other search engines are out there that people may have used to arrive here at the press.

“Things That Drive Me Nuts”

Sure. I can see this. This is one of the categories into which some of the blog is sorted. This makes sense.

“Optimus Prime Birthday Cake”

That was a hard nut at first. But I do remember writing a post that referenced the big daddy autobot and I am fairly certain, without actually doing much fact checking, that there is a great chance it featured cake as well.

“Cooking With Spam Blogs”

First of all, what? Do people actually cook with that stuff? Alright, I know the answer is yes, I even have a cookbook with a recipe that demands spam. HOWEVER I have never cooked that particular recipe as I am uncertain as to where I stand on Spam. Currently its way the heck away from it. Anyways I do like to try to entertain visitors to the blog with selections of the electronic sort so, mystery solved on that one.

“Big Fat Hairy Girls”

Not featured in my usual content but what the heck, I did do a post on that one. Sort of. That was actually the first time I’d ever used the reblog feature because I think the crazy bat at stuffalsothings is in fact amazeballs.

“Lonely Pics Of Boys Tumblr”

Soooooo. Here is where it starts to get weird. I am absolutely certain that I don’t have any of this on the blog. I thought about googling (can that be a word) the phrase to see how many search results I’d have to go through to get to my blog but, for some reason I couldn’t do it. Go figure.

“Where In The World Can I Find An Icosahedron?”

Carmen had to retire sometime .Yes; it’s the sequel to everyone’s favorite video game series that forced you to learn stuff to find a woman in a giant red hat!

“Writing On My Bone”

Oh, hey. Don’t do that. Seriously stop. If at any point in time you can do anything ON your bone something has gone horrifically wrong and you should get to a doctor pronto.

“ 1 Pad 2 Kyllan”

Yeah, not making that video.

“The Way Presenting The Brownies”

Isn’t even a complete sentence. Or thought. Or television advertisement for that matter. I can’t help you present the brownies dude if I don’t even know what you’re trying to say. Are we talking cooking brownies? Does this have something to do with a musical performance perhaps? Is The Way the opening act for The Brownies at the music hall this Tuesday?

“Serial Killers Who Bondage”

What in the hell do I write about?

“If Kinect Is Given Nematodes In The Skin How Long Does It Take For That To Work And Does That Kill Them”

You. You’re with brownie guy aren’t you? There is just so much to try to think about here. Because of the overwhelming amount of strange coming off of this search term I had to use it myself. Google told me some stuff about fleas before launching into a bunch of other results that seem to suggest a large number of universities in America put some serious research time into worms and other creepy crawlies.

Still. Who are you and how did you get here?

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