Celebrating in Salem

1 11 2013

So the Vixen and I recently went on a bit of an adventure. As I’ve mentioned before she was foolish enough to marry me and consequently must suffer through a yearly ritual known as “Anniversaries.”

It was our first. I’m not going to mentioned specifically when it happened because I don’t need any new credit cards, especially ones that I don’t have access to. And while I’m sure the average blog reader isn’t that untrustworthy, the number one term used to find my blog using Google is still “bondage serial killers.”
I’m thinking serial killers are more likely to commit fraud than average Joe. Or maybe you’re all just really kinky people. I’m going for more safe than sorry and all that.

Anyhow, we decided that since we didn’t have either the kids with us that we would take a bit of a road trip. We made plans and they were detailed. We had a sort of half-assed mini itinerary. It consisted of when we will wake up and when we will leave the house. After that it was up in the air. Hence the ‘mini.’

But hey, we knew we were going to Salem and there was bound to be a plethora of fun to be had there!

After consulting my abacus and proto-human skull the night before I was able to determine, after also plotting the position of Jupiter and multiplying it all by the square root of pie, that 4 AM would be the ideal time to wake up. Shortly after at 5 AM we would leave the house and arrive at our destination around 9 AM.

Naturally we were up at the crack of eleven and on the road by noon.

This of course was after the Vixen banned me from the use of ancient human remains in planning our trips. Some things were said about an atlas and something else. I think she criticized the flavor of pie I used in my math. I have no idea what she means. And can anyone explain to me what a Titan has to do with trip planning?

Needless to say we arrived later than expected. After experiencing traffic on the Mass pike for about a half hour that ranged between 0-10 MPH, we were happy to arrive. Aside from that horrendous portion of highway there weren’t any other problems and we’ve always been able to laugh at that sort of thing so we dubbed the trip ‘still running smoothly.’

That ended about five minutes after we got there.

Now we used to live in Cooperstown, NY which is a touristy place. I can talk to you for hours about how miserable it was trying to do normal things around town when tourist season was in full swing. But after visiting Salem I feel I’ve lost my right to complain.

There were THOUSANDS of people walking the streets. Driving within the city was slow and at times dictated by the Salem PD. On the bright side I can now say that I have seen a policeman directing traffic. On the not so bright side I can say I’ve been sitting in my car watching a policeman directing traffic. These are two very different experiences.

It took an hour to park. And when we finally found a place it was in the parking lot of a church and it cost $20. Would have been okay if we had arrived when we initially planned because it was all day parking but since we didn’t and we weren’t planning on staying there that evening it was more like $10 dollars an hour.
We walked around and saw the exterior of several cool buildings. We also made mental notes of what to see on our next visit. As it turns our visiting Salem during the month of October is tricky. Apparently that’s tourist season.

After parking it was around 6 PM. Having nothing in our systems but red bull and excitement we thought it’d be good to find a place to eat straight off. And that is just about where the saga of our first visit to Salem went.
We drove to Massachusetts for dinner. And also frozen yogurt after. Then we left.

And the funny thing about being married to the Vixen?

We drove to Massachusetts for dinner and we had A GREAT TIME. I even got lost once and we giggled our way back on track.

Do it again in a heartbeat. We had a blast doing something crazy, out of the ordinary.

But we’re totally going back in the spring and this time I’ll have a whole new pie to plan with.

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One response

4 11 2013
the vixen

As I have said before, I have nothing against pie. In fact, I enjoy all flavors and sizes. My only problem was your abacus was so rusty I needed another tetanus shot, and your proto-skull had a crack in the frontal lobe making it completely unreliable. Please obtain fresher remains to use before our next trip.
-the vixen

p.s.- You should have used blueberry peach.

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