Cooking with Spam VI: A New Tin

19 10 2013

SPAM.

I hear there is something special inside of every can. If you ask my father, he would tell you it’s something akin to lips and sphincters. If you ask my wife, she’ll say that its better than all that and is actually quite good. But only if we are talking about the turkey variety. That other stuff can go to hell.

I for one am firmly in the ‘Not putting that in my mouth unless it’s the apocalypse and have literally nothing else to eat,’ camp. I could very well turn to cannibalizing my fellow-man before cracking open a can of spam. For all you know it could be made of people anyway at which point I become less crazy sounding. I’m like one of those things in math.

Parabola? Yeah, totally. I make more sense the closer we come to complete insanity. I think Einstein came up with that one.

My impressive knowledge of history and math aside, we aren’t here to talk about me. Oh no. We are here to take a gander at that other kind of SPAM. The insidious, mail server clogging sort of digital junk that plagues inboxes all over the web.

And also my WordPress comments.

Stacey writes,

My friend Tom Moyer, a guy who drives a LOT of website traffic to various offers through his large website network, has just released a web traffic service with a free trial so webmasters can “try before they buy”.

Hey, not too often I end up with such a large opener. Let’s see, Tom Moyer…yadda yadda…large website…blarh…traffic…hmm. Okay, I know what’s going on here. See most people don’t refer to their friends using both first and last names. This is one of those bathroom wall sorts of things isn’t it?

Tom is shy, kind of lonely but lacks any appreciable social skills, so he convinces a friend or pays one of the popular kids to spread rumors about his “large website”. Suddenly he’s on the invite list to the best parties and gets to sit and the cool table at lunch. In this case Stacey, I don’t think I’m interested in Tom’s “try before I buy” business.  

If you are interested in driving lots of traffic to your site then don’t miss this offer:

Like I said, no chance.

 

 

Kala writes,

My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.

DO IT! I hear .net is lovely in the fall!

I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s been trying nonetheless.

No! Hey, cost of living might have been high there ten years ago but come on, times have changed Kala. Seize life by the horns, make a change, and better yourself! You’d rather be living in a top 10 town like that wouldn’t you?

I have heard good things about blogengine.net.

Ouch. Thinking about the town’s local rivals blogengine eh? Can’t blame you. Their job market is a touch larger and I hear the university’s football team, the BlogU Pachyderms, is going to be the one to beat this year.

Is there a way I can import all my WordPress posts into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Wait. What?

 

Jennifer writes,

My friend Tom Moyer, a guy who drives a LOT of website traffic to various offers through his large website network, has just released a web traffic service with a free trial so webmasters can “try before they buy”.

Hey, not too often I end up…with such…a…long… Wait a minute.

If you are interested in driving lots of traffic to your site then don’t miss this offer:

Wow. So you’re not going to believe this but there is this other girl who sent me the same message. That guy must have poured a ton into marketing his way up the social ladder. Like I told the last girl though, um…no.

 

アウトレット writes,

アニエスベー 時計 レディース

Dont you start with me.

 

Melinda writes,

My friend Tom Moyer, a guy who drives a LOT of website traffic to various offers through his large website network, has just released a web traffic service with a free trial so webmasters can “try before they buy”.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT TOM’S PENIS!

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