Bondage,Serial Killers, and the Swiss.

11 08 2012

I can’t even describe to you how happy I am at this particular point in time. Not quite a hit-the-lotto euphoria. More like the adult toy store down the street just got a new shipment of Sesame Street inspired lotions in and the bullwhips are two for a dollar. (Which isn’t really the case. The adult toy store is in another town.)

The couple-days-shy-of-a-month-long-hiatus that I meant to tell all of you in the deep, dark and sweaty recesses of the internet about but FAILED, is over! (Blog post was written on phone but saved as a draft instead of posted. WordPress app FAIL.) That means we, here at the press, which is really just a fancy way of saying me and whatever other ridiculousness comes along with this disorder, are back!

I’ve got a healthy new mountain of curious animal bits in the ol’ mailbox for the next Spam installment, which, I have browsed a bit and am very excited to work with. I’m planning on assaulting you all with a TON of new short fiction entries in an attempt to address all of the Picture it and Write! entries over at Ermiliablog. And even have a new, crazy and random individual that pops up in my life from time to time to tell you about.

It’s going to be a good time this month folks. A good time. *Wink*

But what about today? Well I’ll tell you. You better grab your nearest umbrella and or poncho because I’m about to subject you to another stream of random neuron-firings!

INCOMING.

I have a friend who recently suffered a concussion. Again. This makes number six I believe. I was told once that if you suffer five you run a great chance of experiencing brain damage. I don’t know if that’s true or not but it’s a bit frightening all the same. I get books from this girl. I would hate for her to one day start recommending things to me that are predominately picture-based.

I have nothing against books with pictures. I like the others ones better though.

Craziest thing I’ve seen lately? A girl throwing her legs apart while driving past a Church of Immaculate Conception screaming, “Give it to me God!” Listen. I understand that pregnancy is something you’re into. It seems to be a goal. I just think there are better ways to go about it. What kind of message would God be sending if he got you pregnant while you were driving? That’s just not safe driving.

On a similar note, how can you stand pregnancy? I couldn’t do that. No way. It would be nine months of non-stop nightmares featuring Sigourney Weaver and a lot of drool. Now that sounds like it could be a good thing but I’m talking about aliens. From the movies. Aliens. That’s some crazy, chest-bursting, swiss surrealism right there.

And has anyone ever seen a picture of H.R Giger? Talk about your horror movie characters. That guy looks like he just might flay his interns and wear their skin like coats and Halloween masks. Maybe its part of his process. I don’t know, I never worked for the guy. If he ever offers you a coat, JUST. SAY.NO.

And why are they called serial killers? To someone new to the English language that could be a little confusing. Or comical. Maybe a bit of both. But running into a grocery store and storming toward the breakfast foods isle announcing, jokingly in broken english, that you are a “cereal killer” is more likely to get you tased then fed.

It’s a complicated language. You must fear it and respect it. One word can mean the difference between Cheerios and the electric chair.

Stay Tuned.

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2 responses

11 08 2012
David Connell

Toy store. Brilliant!

11 08 2012
Kyllan Brindle

It’s just THAT exciting!

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