Cooking With Spam III: Rise Of The Spam

28 04 2012

By now you may be asking yourself what does Star Wars and an awkward looking canned ‘meat’ have in common? 

The short answer?


The slightly longer but still rather short answer?

Not a damn thing.

I prefer the second. It’s got some kick, some sass. It just walked in your front door, kicked its boots off and started to rummage through your fridge without so much as a ‘hullo’.

So why don’t we just dive head first, like a swan, into the thick, bizarre mountain of what might be a meat. As always these comments are harvested directly from my WordPress spam folder and appear in unedited form. That’s right, I know some words might be misspelled and the grammar may experience fits of terrible suck, but that’s not me.

The italics on the other hand? That is me.


Mebbe Religion writes,

I read at an extreme velocity.

You read at an extreme velocity? What, like while in a spaceship or a jet or something?

I find your sight as smooth parts as well.

That is true. I do have pretty soft eyeballs. There was one time, that I was resting my head on my hand it I sneezed and I slipped and my finger hit my eye. I thought to myself, my god – my optical spheres are like miniature baby’s bottoms.

The lay out of it does not impact my speeding in the negative.

I’m going to have to side with the law on this one actually and say speeding, especially while reading, is a bad thing. It could have an impact on your life. As in it might end.

If you would mind, there was an address, if there is that one might find to bring links to your template?

I didn’t quite make that one out, maybe you could think on it a bit and get back to me when you can word that a little better?   


And also, perhaps you might consider for me as well.

Consider you for what? The craziest person I’ve run into in the last five minutes? Trust me buddy, you’ve already got the nomination.

And as always consider perhaps, the Jesus as well.

The Jesus? That makes him sound kind of hip. Hey everybody, its THE Jesus. And then everyone’s like “Hey Jesus!” (In the style of Norm entering the bar on cheers) and then Jesus would be like “Heeeeeeyy.” (In the style of the Fonz)

Thank you for the consideration in the future.

Consider for what?! You have to be more specific. Congress? President of the PTA? Fine, he has my consideration. I think they’re probably all devil-worshippers anyways. What’s that? Which one did I mean? Oh, right. The answer is yes.


Freeads writes, in response to Ted Talk 2023,

Some people think  that this is the joke.

Like some people think you are off the meds.

But here is my rub.

Too much info, too much info!

I have taken to seeing this sort of topic in the past.

You sure you haven’t taken to seeing in the future?

There is technology present that makes this thing better you know.

The…rub? I’m scared to ask for clarification.

But I could hardly blame you for that.

Thank you?


Jj04or04 writes,

I have never used the internet before.

It shows. This comment for instance was poorly written enough to constitute as SPAM.

But there is little reason to think that web hosts is cheap.

And now I see why.

Where did you find such a lovely place to find a place for blogging on such as a fantastic as invention like this?

Is WordPress a choice? God, I hope it is.

And if so, how much do you pay for hosting?

It’s a little hard to explain since I never was too good with the maths. Let me grab my abacus real quick. Uh, twelve plus seventeen, divided by the square root of a camel. Wait, that doesn’t seem right. Is twelve a real number?

Regardless! Keep flowing the good words friend!

Don’t worry, I flow every day! The doctor said it was normal!




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